Rehat

Saya ingin cuti...istirahat dari kesibukan saya memikirkanmu dan kamu. Hidup berjalan rutin seperti ini setiap harinya. Bukan....bukan saya tidak bersyukur atas apa yang saya punya sekarang, saya cuma ingin pergi dari ini sebentar. Saya tau kamu pun kadang bosan. Bosan dengan rengekan-rengekan saya, tangis saya, egoisnya saya, marahnya saya. Tapi pernahkah sekali saja kamu merindukan kejelekan saya?
Seperti saya kadang merindukan kamu mencubit pipi saya. Sakit, tapi saya tau itu tanda kamu sayang.
Nah nah....saya mulai lagi memikirkanmu.

just believe

.........Thought I couldnt live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Eventhough I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time...............

...If I'm dreaming
Don't wanna let, hurt my feelings
But that's the path, I believe in
And I know that, time will heal it....


.......Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will.

Saya sebut ini perjalanan

-Begitu sederhana perjumpaan. melembut dalam sapaan.
Saya masih ingat malam pertama perjumpaan kita. Masih saya ingat betul wangi parfum yang kamu pakai : Bvlgari extreme. Kita bertemu di gang kecil-jalan menuju rumah saya. Saling mencari. Saya ingat betul pertama kali saya melihat kamu. saya sibuk menenangkan debar jantung saya sendiri.

-Hubungan kita terlalu banyak diisi dengan pertengkaran. terlalu banyak keributan. Saya tau sayalah penyebab semuanya. Kamu tau saya begitu peka dan mudah tersinggung. Saya tau kamu terlalu banyak mengalah untuk saya. Saya tau kalau saya terlalu merepotkan dan menjengkelkan.Saya tau kamu sudah terlalu lelah, tetapi kamu tidak berani mengambil langkah.

-Kamu tau? saya ingin semua tetap baik-baik saja. Saya ingin tetap mengingatmu sebagai pemuda simpatik yang kepadanya saya pernah jatuh cinta. Saya ingin ini semua tidak berakhir. Tapi saya tau, itu tidak mungkin.

When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life 

-One Republic-

memikirkanmu,
menyisakan jerawat di jidatku

Terlanjur...walau hancur separah apapun saya harus pergi.
Kamu cukup tinggal disini, jangan ikuti saya lagi. Saya cukup lelah denganmu
ini bukan salahmu..ini salah saya yang membiarkan diri ini begitu liarnya, tak terkendali.
Saya tidak suka terlalu diikat, apalagi mengikatkan diri saya terlalu kuat kepada anda. Tidak. saya takut tidak mampu lagi menopang berat badan saya karena terlalu lama anda sokong

Cukuplah disini, (mungkin) ini akhir.

aku berpikir : kenapa setiap tulisan harus ada judulnya?
aku tidak pintar membuat judul
aku tidak suka merangkakan tulisan-tulisanku. aku lebih suka membiarkan mereka berhamburan, berkejar-kejaran, berlomba untuk dituliskan. Aku tidak suka melihat mereka berbaris-baris seperti bebek.

there's no doubt

(right now) I figure out i Love you

Emotion

mungkin...suatu saat nanti kita akan menyesali hari-hari ini
Seharusnya....seharusnya.......
mungkin suatu saat nanti saya dan kamu menyesal..kenapa mengacuhkan perintah hati untuk pergi. Dan saat hal itu terjadi, mungkin sudah terlalu terlambat.

mungkin, suatu saat nanti saya akan mengutuki diri saya. Kenapa masih harus bertanya-tanya kamukah jodoh saya....sedang hati saya berkata bukan.
mungkin suatu hari saya akan menyesal...kenapa hati ini saya abaikan.

Cerita

Saya memang payah...
banyak pikiran-pikiran aneh berlompatan ketika mengetahui bahwa sahabat baik saya (yang umurnya lebih muda setahun daripada saya) bulan depan- Februari tepatnya- akan menikah.

Hal yang pertama kali saya lakukan setelah kabar itu keluar dari mulutnya adalah melongo. Sumpah...saya bahkan tidak menyangka dia akan secepat ini menikah. Bahkan dia baru memacari pria yang akan jadi suaminya ini selama 3 bulan. Apa yang ada di pikirannya saat itu?

Hal kedua yang saya lakukan adalah mengucapkan hal bodoh ini "Kamu serius?"
yah..bahkan dia sudah fitting baju untuk hari pernikahannya nanti saat memberi kabar ini pada saya. Dan bodohnya, saya masih sulit percaya sampai saat ini.

Hal ketiga yang terpikirkan adalah : saya bahagia, sekaligus sedih (Untuk pertama kalinya saya mengalami perasaan ini, 2 rasa yang bercampur aduk di dalam sini-bahkan ketika kakak perempuan saya akan menikah pun saya biasa saja, menganggap itu hal yang sangat wajar)
Alasan kenapa saya bahagia adalah karena dia sahabat saya, dia berbahagia dengan pilihannya itu...lalu kenapa saya harus tidak ikut merasakannya?
Dan alasan saya sedih adalah karena dia mendahului saya :( bukankah saya yang lebih tua?

kemudian sampai saat ini saya masih berpikir, betapa anehnya cara Tuhan untuk membuat semua ini terjadi. Rasanya betul-betul aneh. Seperti ketika pertama kali lidah saya mengecap asam.

Pertanyaan saya cuma satu : Kapan giliran saya? :)

...........there's nothing left to beg for.

Space Bounds

We touch I feel a rush
We clutch it isn't much
But it's enough to make me wonder what's in store for us
It's lust, it's torturous
You must be a sorceress 'cause you just
Did the impossible
Gained my trust don't play games it'll be dangerous
If you fuck me over
'Cause if I get burnt imma show you what it's like to hurt
'Cause I been treated like dirt before you
And love is "evol"
Spell it backwards I'll show you

Nobody knows me I'm cold
Walk down this road all alone
It's no one's fault but my own
It's the path I've chosen to go
Frozen as snow I show no emotion whatsoever so
Don't ask me why I have no love for these motherfucking hoes
Bloodsucking succubuses, what the fuck is up with this?
I've tried in this department but I ain't had no luck with this
It sucks but it's exactly what I thought it would be
Like trying to start over
I got a hole in my heart, for some kind of emotional rollercoaster
Something I won't go on 'til you toy with my emotion, so it's over
It's like an explosion every time I hold you, I wasn't joking when I told you
You take my breath away
You're a supernova... and I'm a

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
Two hundred fifty thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
Right at you

I do whatever it takes
When I'm with you I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain't
With you I have zero strength
There's no limit on how far I would go
No boundaries, no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks
Gonna be that one and then once we get 'em it's never the same?
You want them when they don't want you
Soon as they do feelings change
It's not a contest and I ain't on no conquest for no mate
I wasn't looking but I stumbled onto you must've been fate
But so much is at stake what the fuck does it take
Let's cut to the chase
But a door shuts in your face
Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open
That I won't be making a mistake
Cause I'm a...

So after a year and 6 months it's no longer me that you want
But I love you so much it hurts
Never mistreated you once
I poured my heart out to you
Let down my guard swear to God
I'll blow my brains in your lap
Lay here and die in your arms
Drop to my knees and I'm pleading
I'm trying to stop you from leaving
You won't even listen so fuck it
I'm trying to stop you from breathing
I put both hands on your throat
I sit on top of you squeezing
'Til I snap you neck like a Popsicle stick
Ain't no possible reason I could think of to let you walk about this house
And let you live
Tears stream down both of my cheeks
Then I let you go and just give
And before I put that gun to my temple
I told you this

And I would've done anything for you
To show you how much I adored you
But it's over now
It's too late to save our love
Just promise me you'll think of me every time you look up in the sky and see a star 'cause I'm a

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm so lost without you
Without you
Without you








--so adored to this song--

Bahkan kadang kau pun bisa salah menafsirkan...
maka begitu pun,denganku.
Kukira benar kau cinta padaku-ini bukan hanya tentang cinta. Bahkan aku salah menafsirkan semuanya.Semuanya

bukan berarti aku kemudian menyerah dan berhenti
aku cuma kecewa
boleh kan?

Trouble

it's not about you or someone else

it's about me and myself

sorrow

inilah yang kemudian ku sebut dengan keraguan. disaat sebagian hati mengajak pulang....sedang disisi lain rasanya enggan.

inilah yang kusebut sesal....disaat diri berharap kembali jadi bocah. Hingga yang ku tau cuma; luka itu berdarah.

Imlek

selayang pandang @Universitas Budi Luhur

Try to take Some picture on my way to go home :)
@Kalideres

my tears went to flow...

i didn't know what to do....what should you do when it happens to you?

u got me going crazy

feels like dont wanna life anymore

i know it won't be the same

never.....

the world won't give me second chance

Ask Ask Ask....May i Ask U?

Hey...pernahkah Kau berpikir bahwa ternyata bukan akulah orang yang Kau inginkan?
Pernahkah Kau mencoba sedemikian kerasnya untuk melawan, mengingkari hatimu kemudian meyakinkan bahwa tak ada yang salah dengan pilihanmu?

Pernahkah Kau ingin kembali? Kemudian berharap tak pernah mengambil keputusan yang sama?
Pernahkah Kau merasa bahwa Akulah keputusanmu yang tak ingin Kau sesali?

Wishing

Tuhan......Harapanku Hari Ini Sederhana. Aku Ingin Cepat Lulus Kuliah Tahun Ini.
Aku Cuma Ingin Melihatnya Tersenyum,Bangga dan Bahagia....Karena Dia Sudah Terlalu Banyak Meneteskan Air Matanya Untukku. Aku Ingin Dia Merasa Begitu Girangnya Sampai Tidak Tau Harus Menangis Atau Tertawa.

After January 10th, 2012

still.....looking for the best answer.
looking for some reason to have you in my life.

how far i'd run....how far i'd go.still keep you in my mind.
never let it go

"what am i gonna do when the best part of me was always you?"

Rain over and over again

It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon....Time to go home. But it's rain everywhere.
This rain forced me to stop, cleaning my shoes from this dirty splashes water when the cars pass. Sometimes i look back, wish there were Kopaja 93 which can take me home. Jams getting worse, seems to have grown 200 meters longer than when i was arrived here.
Something in my head made me stop in front of "The Boulevard". Looking at the stuck cars.
I sighed....realized there was no way to back. The rain made the cars blocked the streets such as a clogged gutter. I stopped here for a long time, it might be 1 hours.

Then i move....ther's no need for me to stand here. Traffic jam won't be reduced just because im waiting.
I decided to walk in the rain. Wishing there's a public transportation which can pick me up.


"And if it's gonna be a rainy day, there's nothing you can do to make it change.
  We can pray for a sunny weather, but that won't stop the rain"
  -Please don't stop the rain-

You (again)

Lifes seems harder when it faced by two options that you were never know which one lead you to the right place.
In fact, you know which one's true. But you know it so difficult to take just one option.Eventhough you should.

Choose to stay.....or leave.
I love him so much, i know it.
But in the other hand, i know it won't be true.
It's not a fairy tale where "we live happily ever after"...never. And i know it better than anyone do.

a late morning through my head

Everyone's thinking about their dreams and resolutions in 2012.
How about me?i spent so many times to think about my goals this year. Yeah....i forget something. If i do everything seriously it all would be realized, isn't it?
As in previous year....i do everything naturally. Without any plans,any goals. I dont want to make my life miserable by making various goals to reached. I just want my life flowed like water, flow into the place where Allah led me there.

Make a simple life...That's all :)

Everything running through My HEAD today

If it's love just feel it, if it's life we'll see it...


I didnt know what i feel right now. I love him, for now and tomorrow (i cant guarantee whether it will last forever) But something in my head say it just can't be true. Probably because of my parents, or perhaps because of  the uncertainty in my own feelings.  

See somehow i cant forget you,after all that we've been through.

I've been trying dear,you know i tried so hard to forget you. No matter how long it takes,how strong i tried, how far i run.....i always turn around and come back to you. Something always bring me back to you. Maybe this is what people call "Home"


as Adele said : Regret and mistakes they're memories made.

2 Januari 2011

Kejutan pertama di awal tahun...sederhana tapi bikin bahagia.
Yah, kadang kau tau kalo Tuhan selalu punya banyak cara buat bikin bahagia mahluk ciptaannya kan?
Contoh sederhananya gini : Pacarmu pagi-pagi telpon dan bilang kalo dia nunggu kamu di tempat biasa, dan dia mau nganterin kamu kerja.
Bukan soal ada yang mau nganter nggaknya disini. Tapi emang rasanya surprise aja. Tau kenapa??

 Aku juga nggak tau kenapa...
Yang penting bahagia.

Mungkin rasanya kaya pas Spongebob nemuin spatula kesayangannya. Atau kaya Mr.Krabs waktu nemu duit recehan di kantongnya...........

Hmm....ternyata banyak hal-hal sederhana yang bisa bikin orang bahagia.
No matter what day it is...no matter if it's monday, but i'd like to say : I Love monday ^^